Sometimes, you learn more about a person from a single moment than from years of friendship. A casual dinner between two friends took a disturbing turn when one of them crossed a line that couldn’t be ignored.
After finding out his buddy had exchanged social media with a 15-year-old hostess, a 20-year-old man felt a mix of shock, disappointment, and disbelief.
When the friend brushed it off like it was nothing, that discomfort grew into disgust.
It’s clear this situation triggered alarm bells, and not without reason. The OP discovered his 20-year-old friend had asked a 15-year-old hostess for her Snapchat and then boasted about it.
Despite the friend’s “we’re just friends” defence, the OP chose to end the friendship, because the underlying behaviour didn’t seem harmless.
In brief, the OP’s friend, while dining together, initiated the conversation with the hostess, heard her age, then pressed on, swapped social-media info, and later laughed about “still having it.”
The OP, shocked, walked away and has since cut contact. The friend sees no problem; the OP sees boundary violation. One wants to defend a buddy, the other wants to protect a minor and principle.
This touches on a broader social issue: the normalization of adult-minor contact in an online and real-life space often dismissed as “just chatting.”
Research by Thorn found that 40% of minors reported being approached by someone online whom they believed was trying to “befriend and manipulate” them.
Another study showed that adults who solicit minors online often show higher levels of loneliness, social anxiety and problematic internet use. These figures suggest this isn’t simply awkward but potentially part of a pattern.
Clinical psychologist Elizabeth L. Jeglic, who specialises in grooming and child-sexual-abuse prevention, reminds us: “When an adult persists in pursuing contact with someone who is legally and developmentally a minor, the power dynamics and risk become real, even if no physical act takes place.”
Her expertise makes clear the OP’s discomfort wasn’t overblown. The friend’s rationalisation doesn’t eliminate the inherent vulnerability in the situation.
The OP did well to set a boundary. If he chooses to, he might send one written message explaining why the friendship paused, lest ambiguity linger.
It’s also reasonable to encourage the friend to reflect on his actions: perhaps even talk with a mentor or professional about what drew him to pursue a minor. And the OP can keep his own circle safe by making clear what behaviour he won’t condone.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
These commenters applauded the OP for walking away fast.
This group urged the OP to take further action, insisting that silence isn’t enough.
